Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Attention Skinny People!

Attention: All skinny people who don't want to be skinny,  football linemen, boxers who want to move up a class, models, and celebrities playing the role of a normal woman.

This is how you gain weight.

First, declare that you are going on a diet.

Next, wake up in the morning and say you are going to "fast" that day. Just water all day.

Then, around 7 a.m., you will decide to "fast" and only drink coffee and water.

At 8 a.m. you decide any liquid will do. That's it...a liquid diet.

10 a.m. a protein bar and water..that's healthy...just a protein bar for each meal.

12 p.m. lunch will be a protein bar and water.........and a banana.

It's o.k. to have fruit....fruit is essential to being healthy.

1 p.m. my co-worker brought me a salad....what am I going to do....be rude?

It's just a salad and I only put one package of ranch dressing.

3 p.m. a diet coke and a small milkshake.......remember I'm on a liquid diet.

5 p.m. I will eat my protein bar and banana while I cook supper so I won't be tempted.

6 p.m. whew, I didn't eat supper, except I had to sample the potatoes with a few bites or twelve to see if they needed salt and taste the peas to see if they were soft enough....because I am a good wife and mother.

8 p.m. did you know popcorn is not that fattening?  It's really a vegetable.

10 p.m. finally headed to bed....now that wasn't so hard and I'm not even that hungry...I'm doing great on my diet!

Next morning......what???!!! I gained 2 pounds!!!

7 comments:

Elaine @ Sunny Simple Life said...

Water weight I am sure from a salty meal or popcorn at the movies maybe? That is what I say anyway.

Lisa Tucker said...

Lol....darn blog history...you can't get away with anything...:)) or it could be after all my taste testing and little bit here and there and protein bars and bananas and salads that I consumed 3000 calories...lol

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Holly said...

I tried to diet once. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life. I'm jut waiting for fat to come back in style. Should be any day now.

Lisa Tucker said...

Oh Holly...that sounds wonderful.....I would be stylish for once in my life....:)

Laurie said...

that was priceless and so true! Best wishes from a fellow failed dieter from Canada!

Lisa Tucker said...

Hellllooo Canada!! Thank you for dropping by and leaving a comment...it just made my day......:)