Attention Skinny People!

Attention: All skinny people who don't want to be skinny,  football linemen, boxers who want to move up a class, models, and celebrities playing the role of a normal woman.

This is how you gain weight.

First, declare that you are going on a diet.

Next, wake up in the morning and say you are going to "fast" that day. Just water all day.

Then, around 7 a.m., you will decide to "fast" and only drink coffee and water.

At 8 a.m. you decide any liquid will do. That's it...a liquid diet.

10 a.m. a protein bar and water..that's healthy...just a protein bar for each meal.

12 p.m. lunch will be a protein bar and water.........and a banana.

It's o.k. to have fruit....fruit is essential to being healthy.

1 p.m. my co-worker brought me a salad....what am I going to do....be rude?

It's just a salad and I only put one package of ranch dressing.

3 p.m. a diet coke and a small milkshake.......remember I'm on a liquid diet.

5 p.m. I will eat my protein bar and banana while I cook supper so I won't be tempted.

6 p.m. whew, I didn't eat supper, except I had to sample the potatoes with a few bites or twelve to see if they needed salt and taste the peas to see if they were soft enough....because I am a good wife and mother.

8 p.m. did you know popcorn is not that fattening?  It's really a vegetable.

10 p.m. finally headed to bed....now that wasn't so hard and I'm not even that hungry...I'm doing great on my diet!

Next morning......what???!!! I gained 2 pounds!!!