Monday, October 27, 2014

A letter from my future self.......

A letter to my younger & dumber self (as in Saturday)
Dear Lisa,
You thinking that you work too much and need a vacation is really just comical by most people's work schedules but you will be delusional and go on a mini vacation to the beach.
 And don't bother trying on that cute top that you bought must have been made for  tiny Chinese women. Their XL is more like a size 3...and you won't be able to send it back because it rips as it slides up your Hulk arms.
No more online purchases for you missy...
any way...
 You arrive at your friend's place and the weather is just wonderful!
You lounge and talk and eat and shop and I would tell you not to buy those chocolate chip mini muffins because you will have a hard time in the morning choosing between them or the cinnamon rolls that you and your friend cook and you will foolishly choose to eat both of them.
I would also like to tell you that maybe you should not dump every thought that you have had in your head, since you started working, on your friend and stay up talking until 2 a.m.  She just may think a little longer before she decides to invite you back.
And I would tell you that you are put in the most beautiful green room at your friends beach house because it matches your envy.
And I would say don't be so snarky to your husband when he calls because you don't have a glitter pillow on your bed at home.
But most of all.....I would strongly advise you NOT to leave your friend's beach house while she is still asleep and not tell her that you are walking across the street to the beach because you KNOW that her cell phone is not working.
And I would remind you that you walked out of a gated community and that maybe......just maybe you would have thought about learning the code that gets you back in the gated community.
But most of all..........................for Pete's sake.........I would tell you under NO circumstances as the traffic is whizzing by you on the main strip to NOT get on the ground and try to crawl under the gate because not only would you look extremely foolish but you would have reason 1,899 why being fat is no fun and very unhelpful in situations.
And F.Y.I. taking a selfie of this and putting it on facebook is a sign of true mental illness.
So in conclusion.......
you are a very lucky girl that you have friends that put up with your shenanigans and that you have family that has not had you committed (yet).
and p.s. just because you are headed home that day it is not okay not to take a shower or wash your hair and then post more photos on face book.
You are one.....lucky......stinky.....girl......that you have any friends.
And p.s.s. please start a diet Monday and throw away your Halloween candy because future self that is typing this right now knows that you will eat 3 Reese's, 2 whoppers and a KitKat for breakfast.
(older & wiser) Lisa

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Saturday, October 11, 2014

Here's Your Sign

Do y'all remember this?
Bill Engvall and his "Here's your sign" jokes about stupid things that you do.
Well I've got one for you today....
shocked aren't you (sarcasm)..
Embarrassing work moment #5...........I was paying bills. This particular bill had an "important"

stamp at the bottom of the page and the stamp said.."send remittance to" and then right under that it

 had foreign language

 words and a Tennessee address. So I carefully copied the foreign language words and made my
check out to them but I decided I better call and make sure it went to someone with a foreign
language name. So I called the number at the top of the page with the company name not in a foreign
 language and I repeated to the girl what was written and I asked was I suppose to send my check to
the foreign language name. I told her the language looked French but I didn't know. I could tell she
 was trying to keep from laughing and she said "Well I don't know much Spanish but I do know what
 this says....(and I'm already thinking....darn the language wrong) and I ask what does it say?
 And she said "Under the words "send remittance to" it says in Spanish.........."send remittance to" so
 no...don't write your check to "send remittance to".... Oh I could feel her smiling all the way through
 the phone. So I'm sputtering..well you can see how confusing that is and she is saying yes, yes...that
is confusing (smirk).
#Shannonshouldreallyscreenhisemployeesbetter   #theonlylanguageiknowiscountryredneck
The End
Now we can all say it together........
Here's your sign!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Making the most of every moment......

Someone had to ride home with me from work because it was raining....:(
You can tell which one is my dog....let's get comfortable okay Breesy?..:)
In her defense, she may be pregnant so the male should have to suffer and cater to her whims..:)
To prove that I don't work I make out that I is my Mom and me
getting in some shopping therapy.
Because everyone knows that if you have to work then you get to shop away your paycheck....right?
But let's not tell the hubby....okay?..:)

And last but not least a beautiful photo and I'm not at work again....
but that's not true....this is a field right next door to my office....
I'm trying to make every moment count...:)
Due to very limited time and having to rush to take photos and sneak to type blog content please
excuse blurry photos and short and/or run on sentences. What lacks in quality and quantity I make up
for in my love for all of you....(yes I'm blaming it on you)...some people would not post such ummmm.....amateur posts....but I can't seem to let y'all go get sloppy me or not me at all...
This too shall pass....and I hope to be back to longer, less blurry, ahhh--mazing (ha) posts that you are so accustomed to....bahahahaha....

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Hashtag Saturday

I always get nervous when I try to wear anything that is even close to fashionable. My "style" meter is not so good. I had on my wide chevron striped top over my black capris and I even found some Toms to match my top. So as I get ready for work yesterday I was thinking I may wear this and it may be a little stylish. Now, ladies, we all know that the true test of whether you are cute and styling is if another lady says "cute outfit" or "you look cute today"...right? Well I... was in the company of many ladies throughout the day and none of them commented but my husband said I looked nice today. Which really freaked me out because we all know that men only think you look nice when you are wearing something a.) sexy (which it wasn't) b.) something sporty c.) something camo or d.) reminds him of his childhood. And it hit me as I was walking from the parking lot and could see my reflection in the big office windows that I looked just like...........Charlie Brown!... ‪#‎oufitfail‬ ‪#‎hubbylovesPeanuts‬

Tanner and I are so glad to get new tags because he was laughing at me because my tag said ate too much and then I pointed out that his says ate too much too...hahahaha #howdoesthedmvknowmesowell
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At work today I was walking through Shannon's side of the building and he was standing there talking to a I passed by them I heard him say " I am Shannon Tucker and that's my heart right there." Well I stopped in my tracks and turned around to go back and introduce myself since my dear, sweet husband had called me his "heart". I was walking toward them grinning from ear to ear and I see Shannon hand him his business card!! He had said "and that's my card right there".....hmmph
‪#‎deafwife‬ ‪#‎hecouldhaveearnedsomebigbrowniepoints‬ ‪#‎buthedidnt

So I take a plant and put it in the sink to water it and it makes a mess of soil all in the sink and before I could get back in there to clean it up Shannon says "why did you leave chocolate in the sink?" and not 5 minutes later Tanner says "did you throw up oreos in the sink?" ‪#‎myreputationprecedesme‬ ‪#‎chocolateaddiction‬ ‪#‎notevenguiltythistime‬ ‪#‎nowiwantoreos
Just trying to hang in about you?