Monday, October 27, 2014

A letter from my future self.......

A letter to my younger & dumber self (as in Saturday)
Dear Lisa,
You thinking that you work too much and need a vacation is really just comical by most people's work schedules but you will be delusional and go on a mini vacation to the beach.
 And don't bother trying on that cute top that you bought must have been made for  tiny Chinese women. Their XL is more like a size 3...and you won't be able to send it back because it rips as it slides up your Hulk arms.
No more online purchases for you missy...
any way...
 You arrive at your friend's place and the weather is just wonderful!
You lounge and talk and eat and shop and I would tell you not to buy those chocolate chip mini muffins because you will have a hard time in the morning choosing between them or the cinnamon rolls that you and your friend cook and you will foolishly choose to eat both of them.
I would also like to tell you that maybe you should not dump every thought that you have had in your head, since you started working, on your friend and stay up talking until 2 a.m.  She just may think a little longer before she decides to invite you back.
And I would tell you that you are put in the most beautiful green room at your friends beach house because it matches your envy.
And I would say don't be so snarky to your husband when he calls because you don't have a glitter pillow on your bed at home.
But most of all.....I would strongly advise you NOT to leave your friend's beach house while she is still asleep and not tell her that you are walking across the street to the beach because you KNOW that her cell phone is not working.
And I would remind you that you walked out of a gated community and that maybe......just maybe you would have thought about learning the code that gets you back in the gated community.
But most of all..........................for Pete's sake.........I would tell you under NO circumstances as the traffic is whizzing by you on the main strip to NOT get on the ground and try to crawl under the gate because not only would you look extremely foolish but you would have reason 1,899 why being fat is no fun and very unhelpful in situations.
And F.Y.I. taking a selfie of this and putting it on facebook is a sign of true mental illness.
So in conclusion.......
you are a very lucky girl that you have friends that put up with your shenanigans and that you have family that has not had you committed (yet).
and p.s. just because you are headed home that day it is not okay not to take a shower or wash your hair and then post more photos on face book.
You are one.....lucky......stinky.....girl......that you have any friends.
And p.s.s. please start a diet Monday and throw away your Halloween candy because future self that is typing this right now knows that you will eat 3 Reese's, 2 whoppers and a KitKat for breakfast.
(older & wiser) Lisa

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Debby Ray said...

Oh Lisa...this is PRICELESS! And so are YOU! And what a sweet friend you have! I need to find me a friend like that with a beautiful green guestroom in a beach house like that! Heck, I'll take a shack on the beach, let alone a gorgeous house in a gates community! Just get me to the beach!! BTW...that is ONE gorgeous shot of the deserted beach...that is my idea of a day at the beach!!

Debby Ray said...

I just realized how many times I said *beach* in that comment I just!!

Terri said...

Oh gosh- I guess you were lucky that someone didn't call the police! :)

Anonymous said...

You just LOVE life, don't you

Carla from The River said...

You are such a fun girl. I just love you for making me LOL!
xx oo

daisy g said...

Sounds like a memorable visit! Thanks for visiting The Maple Hill Hop this week!

Vikki Hannah said...

This is the cutest thing I've seen you do yet. You did a great job on it! Love it!!!

Helene in Between said...

haha i love this! I am just never ever good with online shopping. it just does not work out for me.

Tete said...

You have the most amazing life...strange, but amazing! I would love to follow you around for a week, no- a month! I wonder how many photos of you trying to get under that gate were plastered on facebook before you get back in? Just a thought. Good thing you aren't from around there. If I ever get that far south again, I am looking you up and we are going for a whopper and a little debbie shopping spree. Wear your stretch pants, girl.

Suzan Sweatman said...

Too funny Lisa !
And you and your friend look like sisters
Loved reading this - (and the green room)

Willow said...

Funny is as funny does ~ and you funny !
Love everything about you !!! Lol