Wednesday, August 24, 2016

A Trip to the Gyno

It's today.....I can not put it off any longer.
A trip to the gynecologist.
Uggg...shoot me now.
It's not just the gyno I hate going to....
it's ANY doctor.
To top it off it's a new doctor at a new place.
My old doctor retired (5 years ago...I know...I'm terrible).
So ladies I have to wake up extra early to "prep" to go to the gyno.
You know what I mean.
I have bathed, shaved, plucked, tarred and feathered..
you know the drill.
Just the other day I found a genius article about the uses of deodorant
for other than on your armpits!
They mentioned between your thighs (for chub rub),
your feet, under your boobs (big boobs + age + drooping + southern heat),
and yes it works!
But I'm wondering now as I lift a boob and slather deodorant,
if I get a mammogram won't it be embarrassing if they say,
" what is this white stuff on our image????  We see abnormalities,
look everyone in the whole hospital.....what is this on her mammogram image??
I quickly find a bath cloth and start rubbing it off.
But sweat starts smelling soooooo.......I put back on just an itty bit.
Sigh.......while I'm at it I may as well put some under the belly and in
the navel. (no one told me about fat problems so I'm telling y'all now)
Now that I'm sweat proof....what next?
You have to examine yourself from head to toe because
unfortunately that's where they look.
I look at my ankle...............great....that's just great.
I accidently stood in an ant bed yesterday and now my ankle looks like a
5 year olds.
Did you know that even your ankle can have fat pockets?
I'm thinking of conversations to have with the Dr. to try to distract her
from the horror she may be witnessing.
Of course I'm going to discuss weight loss solutions and let her know
that I know that I am overweight.
Maybe she has a miracle cure and won't suggest the stupid idea
of eating less and exercise.
Now.......hmmmm....what to wear???
Stretch pants for sure.....she doesn't need to see all the poor
circulation lines that my blue jeans make. (yes it's the blue jean makers fault)
A top with sleeves to cover the fat bulge oozing out of my bras...
yes bras..... it's plural!
When you get past G in the alphabet you have to have reenforcements.
I probably won't wear my fit bit although that would probably make her smile.
I wonder if I own a biscuit colored shirt...just in case I drop some on it?
Well I better go......
don't know who needs prayers most....
me or them...:)
Maybe there will be a part two to this story.......
Have a great day because I probably won'

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Meet the Peepers

It's been awhile .......
But it's time you got caught up on...............
A lot of changes this year....
Pretty much a whole new crew this year.
It seems the other chickens went on strike for more pay (worms) and
when we didn't meet their terms they all walked off the set
(or died and was eaten by a raccoon or something).
Yes, they will be missed but I have learned that is the
way with chickens.
I had them for 4 years and they were happy, free ranging chickens.
This episode I want to introduce you to the peepers.
None of my hens have ever had babies before!
They are the cutest!!
But I was a hot mess.  I flew to my computer and searched for how to
care for baby chicks.
Oh my!  You should separate them from the flock because the other
chickens will peck them to death.
They need to be in a clean environment and kept warm
and bedding changed every day.
Watch for pasty butt and scaly mites and make sure you worm them.
I am not ready for this!!
All I have ready is little tutus for them to wear!!
I decided to do the best I could and let their mommy take care of them..:)
My son and I found some wasp larvae and gave it to them and they loved it!!

They are just the cutest and mom takes great care of them.

Hahahahaha! Wake up!!  Just in case y'all were going to sleep on me!!
The sad thing is that I know these people....they come visit us at the camp
every hunting season.  I try not to stand too close to
Just saying....
Back to the peepers....
 Here is a cute video for you.

You can see why I call them little peepers...:)
Please ignore the high pitched shrill of a Southern redneck chicken mama...;)
I'm sorry I have been so absent from my blog.  I am hoping
to start blogging more often.
Thanks for hanging in there with me.