Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Little Debbie Got Me In Trouble

What happens when you go on vacation and have a fabulous time????
The next week will be terrible!!!
 Since I've stepped off the boat I've had an abscessed tooth with severe pain throughout my jaw.
So I go to the dentist who sends me to a specialist in Mobile.
I pray I don't get asked about my eating habits.....
Little Debbie would probably be a no-no and we don't even want
to begin to tell about the cruise food.
 He tells me you can have a root canal or it can be pulled.
  He asked Dental Insurance? I say no. I ask how much?
  He says $1500 versus one to two hundred.
  I take a mirror and inspect where this devil tooth is located,
 I almost asked for a Little Debbie to see if the pulled tooth would hinder my consumption ratio but I
didn't think the dentist would appreciate all the chocolaty goodness that would be in my teeth.
 So I said it seems the decision is clear....
pull that sucker!!
 He leaves and the assistant says "your dentist sends his patients to an oral surgeon here in Mobile
 so I will call and get you an appointment"
but the specialist comes in and asks the assistant "how much time do I have?"
  He looks at the schedule and says "I will pull it!" 
 Well I'm thinking "do you not normally pull teeth?
  Is this just something you've always wanted to do in your spare time????
 He deadens the entire left side of my face and then he leaves for 15 minutes....
I'm assuming he's in the back on his computer googling "how to pull a tooth"
 He comes back and he pulls and tugs and wiggles,
 I think at one point he had his foot on the arm of the chair and I'm wondering
 in my half dead face fog, if it's in there that good maybe we shouldn't be pulling it
 but finally it pops out and he inspects it for 10 minutes.....
what is he looking for????
  Did my tonsils come out with it???
 Is it a special devil tooth that needs to go to a museum??? 
 So now I'm home looking at this giant hole in my head.
  I bet all the men out there are wondering "does she have a twin?"
  Snaggle tooth, sweaty navel and hairy toes........sigh........Shannon is a lucky man....

Saturday, February 7, 2015

TMI....There is a limit to how much your husband wants to know

You would think that after being married for 30 years that you could tell
each other anything....
I mean, surely you have seen the best and worst of each other by now.
He has seen me with no makeup and with bed head. 
He has heard (and filmed) my snoring.
I can't hide my double chin or my love for Debbie Cakes from him (although I try).
He has come to terms that his wife is know as "the crazy chicken lady".
But as I am aging I keep noticing different things about me and my
body that wasn't there in the previous 30 years of marriage.
All of a sudden I'm really paying attention when they are advertising
how to remove skin tags.
And you may check my latest search on the computer and find
"how much does it cost to tack your bladder back up?"
And no one talks about mother has told me nothing other than
lose weight while you are young.
And I dropped the ball big time on that one.
So I know I've pushed him a little over the ledge lately.
I know he LOVES me dearly and I may be taking advantage of that
when I've let him catch me pluck that chin hair or the time he was
horrified to see me shaving MY mustache ( I know..I know...I wax...but sometimes
in an emergency).
And then there was the other day....
we were enjoying riding home from work together
and talking about anything and everything....
and I don't know why I MUST share every little detail with him...
but I said I would like to lose 60 pounds.
And he (sweet man that he is) said don't...
you look great just like you are.
And I say "well, my belly button would really like me to lose it."
And he looks at me with his brow furrowed and asked "what?....why?"
I say "did you know that when you gain a lot of weight in your belly
that your bellybutton closes in on itself.  It sweats something awful and
sometimes gets a rash?
He interrupts me and says "LISA.....NO!"
I guess there is a limit to how much you can reveal to your husband.
I sure hope the saying  "it's your personality that counts" is true.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

You Know You Love Your Chickens When....

You know that you LOVE your chickens when...
on your day off of work...
You are the cold....
digging up worms for them!