Friday, February 22, 2013

The Rest Of The Story......

If you read my post earlier today  then you know that it has not started off being a good day for me.

Well,  now it's time to hear the rest of the story.......

After the "great fall of Lisa" I decided that I would build a gate for my deck and get the paint for my clothesline posts and the paint for my gate.

So I go to one of the local hardware stores.

Do you think that I changed clothes?.....well I did change out of the hideous tshirt and put on a less hideous tshirt and I brushed the dirt off of my yoga pants and I took off the muddy flip flops and put on some sneakers....why did I not wear the sneakers on the walk? you say?

pure laziness?

lapse of judgement?

 Hit my head when I was a baby?

 Who knows?

The spoiled rotten big dogs were begging to go somewhere so since I had to take the old truck to get the fence boards I decided to let them ride.......on the back.

So they jumped into the back of the truck and I went to drive off and it started to pour raining.


So I jumped out of the truck and could NOT get the tailgate back down...stupid truck.

I was getting soaked...the dogs were freaking out and I'm in the front yard with traffic going by beating on the tailgate in the pouring rain.

Finally, get the tailgate down and I was going to leave the dogs but when I opened my door two of them jumped in the truck before I could stop them...depositing mud all over my seat.

I'm in a hurry so I just let them go, I tried to wipe the mud off the seat and got in and left.

My mother would die if she ever knew I went to town looking like something you drug out of a dumpster.

I was really thinking that you never see anyone in this store and I don't know the people that work there and plus I was going to tell them that I had been working outside....even though I hadn't even started.

So I finally get there and go to the paint counter and I am not lying...the absolute biggest, loudest, happiest BillyBob was waiting on me.

Now, I am not putting down BillyBobs because it's very obvious that I am one of them but I really didn't need to run into one at the hardware store.

So I tell him what I want and he is singing and beating the counter with his hammer thing and I'm trying to shrink down because of course the store is FULL of customers this day.

So I decide while I'm waiting on the paint that I will walk across the store to get away from this guy and after I walk away he is yelling "Ma'am!!" "Ma'am"!! DID YOU SAY YOU WANTED CHOCOLATE CHIP PAINT?!!!!! I hurry back over there because everyone is staring and I say yes...and he says "you know someone bought eggshell paint yesterday and when I smelled it you know it smelled like egg...it'd be cool if your paint smelled like chocolate chip" I said yes it would...then he said he needed my name to put into the system and I tell him and so I try once again to walk across the store and get hinges for my gate.

You guessed it......after I leave he yells.....LISA....LISA TUCKER!!...DID YOU SAY YOU WANTED SEMI GLOSS OR SATIN!! So I hurry back over there and I just stay this time...for the whole 20 minutes it took him to mix up 2 quarts of paint.  He is singing, and calling out people in the store and he says to me "normally I don't act this way but we have been so busy and I'm so tired." Another employee came up and was talking about how long the paint took and my BillyBob said "she don't care...she likes talking with me."

Great.......today just keeps getting better....you can't make this stuff up people!

Get my paint, look out the door and check on the dogs, who are inside the truck doing who knows what,
and then I have to pull up to the outdoor area where ...you guessed it...... ANOTHER BillyBob was working.

I let down the window to give him the ticket on the passenger side and he starts talking to the dogs.

And petting the dogs, and talking about dogs, and talking about his dogs, and talking, and talking...


And I finally get to pull up to the fence board area and he loads up the boards and walks back to the window and says....."yeah....I really love dogs.....I love most animals....I hate cats....I had a dog that I bet killed 15 cats." I'm slowly trying to pull the truck forward....and he says "Hey...can I ask you something?"  Me....uh yeah.... He says "Do you know anyone that wants to buy a truck?"....I say "No..but I'll send them your way if anyone asks." still slowly pulling away with the truck.
He says "It's a blah blah truck with a blah blah engine that gets blah blah miles to the gallon and I did blah blah work on it and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! I just finally pulled away and I think I still heard him talking.

Whew!

I  slowly pull out of the fenced in area and finally see normal looking people and I look over and Breesy (the dog) is sitting in the front seat with the window all the way down so the people could get a good look at her.

She had reached into my paint bag and had the two paint stir sticks coming out of her mouth just like a walrus!

I think, as I gunned the truck, that I heard those people say "Wow...did you see that BillyBob with the dogs in the truck?"

Sigh....

9 comments:

My Maine Blog said...

You're right I asked for it....you are hilarious !!!! I'm still laughing and I just don't know why you don't write a book...we need your book...I need your book...I need to laugh. The funniest part is the picture I have in my mind of you running across the floor to the paint mixer guy...what's his name...Billy Bob......hahahaha...after he yells your name out loud...where do you come up with this stuff...I know...it has to be real cause like you said, "you just can't make this stuff up".
I sure do wish we were neighbors...I would be a much happier person and I could be your personal photographer so we could document this stuff...then you could write your book and I could illustrate with real life photos. Lisa you crack me up.

My Maine Blog said...

P.S. Goodnight...I hope I don't dream about flip flops and mud and stuff because that would be nightmare. : )

Lisa Tucker said...

I wish we were neighbors also...that would be a great deal especially with your photography! You made my night with your wonderful comments...lol I hope you don't have nightmares of mud or BillyBobs....:)))

Holly said...

What's a Billy Bob? Is that what we call Red Necks? What a crazy day you had. The only crazy thing that happened to me was that my slipper fell off and my slippery socks made me do the splits in the kitchen. I pulled a groin muscle. I'm fun like that.

Lisa Tucker said...

So glad your back Holly!!! Yes, a BillyBob is a redneck..:) I wish I could have seen the split...I didn't know you were an acrobat...:)

Elaine @ Sunny Simple Life said...

Oh my you did have a day of it. I read it and think what a great country life though. :) Have a good weekend. I need to get painting too in the worst way.

Lisa Tucker said...

Thank you Elaine for saying that...the Big City Life would be horrified of me...lol...I think the weather is about to get better so maybe we all can get some projects done!

Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun said...

Wonderful post! Sounds like any day here... I AM a billybob! My mother knows and is unsure how to handle it. ;-P Love reading your fun antics!

Lisa Tucker said...

Me too Leslie....there are plenty of them around here...lol.