How not to go on a hike!
1. Start off being old-ish and overweight.
2. Wait for the ground to be a muddy mess.
3. Take 4 dogs that has been housebound for 3 days.
4. Wear flip flops, a hideous tshirt and tight yoga pants, dirty hair and no makeup.
5. Don't take your phone.
6. Try to hurry because of the ominous rain clouds.
7. Rush down a hill and step in slick mud ( please let it be slick mud and not dog poo) and go sliding like Nancy Kerrigan on ice.
8. Grab a limb with your bad shoulder to stop your death fall.
9. Fall anyway.
10. Panic because you don't want the ambulance drivers to see you in a hideous tshirt, tight yoga pants, dirty hair and no makeup.
11. Beat nasty, muddy dogs off of you with your good arm.
12. Slowly get up and thank God that nothing is hurt except your slightly throbbing shoulder, a dent in the ground and a poor smushed bug.....poor, little, flat, smushed bug.
13. Hurry home, carefully, and pretend that none of this happened.
14. Vow to buy tennis shoes and get in shape and hire a personal trainer or forget that and just get a dog walker....:)