Friday, January 30, 2015

It's Okay To Lie To Chickens But Not To Your Husband

So I leave work early....
I give Shannon all kinds of excuses why.
I need to cook supper, go to the bank, buy groceries and let the chickens in the coop.
 I did none of those things.
I went straight to Cato's to look around.
I am NOT suppose to buy another thing....
closet is overflowing, credit card is crashing blah blah blah.
 So I decide if I just slip in there ever so quietly, keep a low profile so no one will even see me
 and there will be no chance of Shannon finding out (that means no tattling you stick together evil men)
 Of course the store is full and as soon as I walked in I stealthily eased my way
 around the racks that are right up front in the windows....
no one can see me from the parking lot because they hang those giant poster ads
 that take up the whole window.
The next thing I hear is Craaaaassshhhh!!!!!!
 I'm not sure if it was my tiny body (eye roll) or my tiny purse (eye roll)
 that managed to pull the entire giant poster  crashing down all around me!!
 I freeze as every person in there stops in their tracks and stares at me.
 So much for being invisible.
 I apologize and apologize as I'm backing my way out the store ...
if I can just make it back to my car...
maybe no one even knew who I was...
as soon as I step outside a car goes by and someone yells HEY LISA TUCKER!! 

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Coopville Diaries! (sometimes you have to lie to chickens)

It's baaaaccck!!'s back.
It's time for................

Well I've put off telling anyone....... but the rooster, Conway Tweety, who was
given to me after I lost Rod Stewart, was killed by something
soon after I got him.

It makes me sad.....I still miss Rod Stewart terribly also...
And now.....I've put it off long enough.... I have to have "the talk" with the girls
about death and changes.
So here is how it went......

 Oh girls!!!!
Could y'all come here please?
I need to talk to you.
"Yes....are you calling us?"
I am....
I...umm......have to tell you something about Rod and Conway.
You know how they haven't been around lately? you know what happened to them?
"Of course we know.....they went to a man cave or a hunting camp for a
little while...right?  That's what men do...right?
And oh it's been so nice....we have had some relaxing days.
You know how irritating those males can be.
You tell her Lucy...I think I may take a nap right now..
sighhhhhh...." know how I always ask y'all to be very watchful
and very careful arou..
"I must bathe..(interrupted Kim) never know when the papparazi may show up.
"Gee whiz are so shallow" Khloe snipped.
"Khloe you are just jealous!"
Wait....girls.....I'm trying to tell you something important!

 I.........I hate to tell y'all this but Rod and Conway are.......
"what you talking about Willis?" Lucy croaked
(it's weird that a chicken would know that show Different Strokes..but she did)
"Are you telling us that we can DIE??????"
(the girls are freaking out)

 This is not going case you were wondering. (Baby Kitty informed me)
Thank you Baby Kitty...I realize that.
Kourtney please quit hiding and come back!!
"I am not hiding...this is not happening....I am meditating...ohmmmm"

"No......really.......where are they?" asked Millie
Sambo said "you are really messing this up."

Haha....girls....did I say dead?
ummm.......Noooo....that's not right!!
I mean they are dead......tired.....and they will be staying
at the hunting camp a while longer.
Y'all need to calm down.
"Not funny" glared Millie
You all can come out of hiding now...
It's all okay!  No one is going to die!
Go back to what you were doing before I brought all of this up.
One last look from Lucy......
and the kingdom is back to normal.....

Sometimes you just have to lie to chickens.......

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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

My progress on the "Cabbage Soup Diet"

I started the "Cabbage Soup" diet yesterday.
I've done this diet before, a loooooong time ago and it really worked.
But I am much different than I was back then.
The body and the willpower is much weaker and the fat cells have "grown" in strength
and in number.
So yesterday all I could have was fruit (except bananas) and the cabbage soup and water.
I can do this!
I love fruit and don't mind the cabbage soup.
I can do this!!
The morning was the hardest for me....I love me some coffee and
a little some'n some'n like pop tarts, muffins etc. to go with it.
So when I tried to take a bite of pineapple my taste buds went into retreat mode.
The organic Fuji apple made the cut for breakfast and I was okay.
I wish I liked cantaloupe or grapefruit but nooooo....that would be too easy.
So I made it to lunch.....was so ready for some cabbage soup.
10:45 is not too early for lunch is it????
I didn't think so!!!
So out came the soup and as a side I got some of those oranges or
are they tangerines...the ones they call "cuties".
Well I know why they call them "cuties"....
it's because it's so cute how Lisa can eat them in two bites!
Well really one bite but it ain't so cute when all the juice gushes out and runs
down your chin....
and your husband walks in and you're suppose to be working and you
can't answer the phone because your mouth is so full of orange...
(not that that happened or anything)
So I made it through the work day and I was almost home (a thirty minute drive)
and I almost wrecked when I realized that I left all of my cabbage soup
at work!!
Oh nooooooooo.........only fruit for supper!!!! :(
By this time my head is pounding!!
I'm not sure if it's a caffeine headache or just lack of food headache.
I slowly trudge into the kitchen and just stare at the pineapple, grapes and oranges
and I try to eat some grapes and they were pretty sour
and then I found the most amazing fruit everrrrr!!!!!!!!!
2 pieces of toast!!
with cheese!!!
Headache went away immediately and I was my usual happy, happy self!
Today is all vegetable day.
I am sure that toast is considered a vegetable also....:)
Have a great day!!

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Friday, January 2, 2015

A Baby Story....

New Year's Day
It's my baby boy's birthday!
It always brings back memories of his birth....which is quite the story.
He turned 25 yesterday.
He is a graduate of the University of Alabama and he even got his Master's degree.
He will be starting his "real" job in a few weeks and we are so proud of him.
But back to the story of the day he was born....
New Year's Eve.....I am very VERY pregnant.
 Shannon is determined to go hunting but I say he can't leave me
 so what does he do but load my fat pregnant butt up in the truck,
pick up Adam Gunter and we go hunting.
Well a few hours in I ask Adam to look at his watch and a few minutes later
 asked him the time got it...I'm having contractions.
Shannon is too calm and doesn't want to end the hunt, I'm fairly calm but ready to go
 and Adam is freaking out! So we go , drop Adam off, check on Matt and head to Mobile.
We get to the hospital on New Years Eve...
so you just know all the doctors and nurses were ready to go out and celebrate...
I even heard them all discussing their plans and I'm thinking that's just great...
but we get set up in a room and they finally give me an epidural.
 Well of course I can't feel my legs at all and I'm watching t.v.
 and all of a sudden I hear a big BLAM!!!!
  I turn my head and look at Shannon (who wouldn't really make eye contact with me)
 and I ask "what was THAT?) He said "ummm....your leg...."
  I said "what?"
  He said " your leg was tangled up in the covers so I was trying to untangle it
and I lifted it up to unwrap the cover and I ummm....dropped it."
  Well you know after you have been poked and prodded and had contractions
you are not in the best mood so I kind of snapped at him to "not touch me!"
 And then he keeps reminding me that it would be nice if Tanner was born before midnight
 so we can get a tax break.
 Boy..if looks could kill.....
So the moment finally gets here.....12:01 the doctor walks in...
(I think he threw his party hat in the garbage as he walked in)
  Shannon and the doc had the nerve to be VERY interested in Evil Knievel doing his record breaking
 jump at that very moment.

 And I'm like....yoohoo....over here.....somebody's trying to have a baby.....
and we finally got down to the business of having a baby.
  I looked up at Shannon during and I thought it was so sweet because he had tears in his eyes!!!
  Awww.....all is forgiven.
 By 12:20 we had a beautiful baby almost 9 lb. baby boy!!!
  After celebrating and oohing and aahing they all left the room at almost 1 a.m.
Boy was I exhausted.....Shannon stayed in the room with me....they brought him a cot...
and it finally got dark and quiet and I was so tired I immediately started drifting off to sleep
and I hear......"psst" and then a voice whisper "Lisa...........are you asleep?"
   Wha????? Is someone waking me up...what is going on?
I realize it's coming from Shannon and I kind of snap "WHAT? What is it?"
   And he says "you are going to have to push that button and get the nurse back in here"
  I couldn't understand.....did he say I was going to have to call the nurse?
  I'm like....."why???????"
   He says "I burned my eyes welding yesterday and they are killing me!!!!"
  Well........I then put two and two together and realized that he was not crying at the beautiful birth
 of our child....his eyes were watering because they were burned!!!!!!!
And instead of being sympathetic I was mad!!!
I said "I am NOT calling the nurse back in here!"
 So he said fine I will go find a doctor myself!
  (isn't this a lovely baby story)
So he is gone for hours and I still couldn't sleep because I was a little worried

 about him but still mad too and he finally walks back in the room.

  I ask what happened and he said he blindly used his shoulder to rub against the wall

 and walked down the halls until he finally got a nurse to talk to the doctor

 who gave him eye drops for that kind of burn.

 BUT......get this.........

HE HAD ON A HOSPITAL BRACELET JUST LIKE MINE!!!!! know it's bad when you can't even get the most sympathy

 and attention when you HAVE A BABY!!

  I say this is proof that all men are the biggest BABIES!!!

  He claims they wouldn't give him anything until he was admitted to the hospital.......

my oh my....and to top it off he went home the next day (to rest his eyes)

 and couldn't come back to see us. (grrr)

  So in conclusion we now have in Tanner's baby book.........

a baby hospital bracelet, my hospital bracelet and Shannon's hospital bracelet.
The end