Monday, March 9, 2015

Lisa's Medical Emergency

I decided to start a new series about the "only could happen to me" moments that I have.
It seems, as I talk to others, that "these moments" don't happen to most people.
I'm just lucky like that?...(sarcasm)
I can't decide what to call this series.
Here's what I've got.
                                                          1. " Only  me" moments 
                                                          2.  Lisa-isms
3. Was my face red when....
                                                          4. Why Lisa Why?
What do you like?
Here is a fine example of this series.
One morning, years ago, my throat felt scratchy.
I hurried to the bathroom mirror and opened my mouth wide to peer at my tonsils.
A little backstory on my tonsils is that when I was a child
I had a history of strep throat, tonsillitis etc. and my mother
admits now that I should have had them (tonsils) removed.
Years of those episodes have left my tonsils enlarged and with holes or craters in them.
I did look into having them removed as an adult even though I really don't have
many problems anymore.
But,  apparently the surgery that's not that  bad for children is terrible on an adult.
That's all I needed to hear.
When I peered into the mirror at my tonsils I was shocked to see a big, white ulcer on my tonsil!!
I swallowed and yes it felt weird.
I did wait a few days (because I'm tough, broke, dumb) before
I made an appointment with my doctor.
I arrive at the doctor's office and as I nervously sat on the crinkly white paper
that covers the bed/chair/gurney? I am going over the story
that I will tell the doctor about my tonsil history.
And I'm wondering how painful it will be to treat the ulcer?
The doctor walks in and we exchange hellos and he asks what's the trouble
and I go into my explanation. (highly technical and precise)
I feel like he is impressed with how I seem to know what the problem is.
He says "let me take a look here...."
He looks, then takes his light and he looks some more....
he says "hmmmm" and then he
takes a probe? and he touched my tonsils with it
(while, I am ashamed to say, I am gagging like a two year old that's just been
given broccoli for the first time.)
Tears are streaming down my face from gagging so much
(when's the last time someone has touched your tonsils?)
and then he scraped my tonsils!!
I have (unintentionally) balled my fist up and am about to swing
when he finally sat back in his chair with a funny look on his face.
I ask "what is it it an ulcer?"
Then he looked at me, I could tell he was trying to control his facial expression,
"Oh my, (I thought) is it worse, like throat cancer, is he trying to figure out how to break it to me?"
He said " to be............
a piece of bread."!!!!
I die!!!!!!
I am so embarrassed!!!
Apparently my love of bread combined with holes in my tonsils has put me in this embarrassing situation.
What do you even say to that???
The doctor is trying to sound professional but I could tell he was laughing to himself...
I know he wanted to say "yes, there was bread "sandwiched" in the hole in your tonsils.  You
can "roll" off the gurney now.  I hope you have a "rye" sense of humor."
He didn't.....but in my head....he did.
So I gather my belongings and I get out of there as fast as I can.
And then I get home and it took me quite some time and maybe some wine to finally admit
to Shannon that I didn't have an ulcer......
it was bread stuck in my tonsil.
To this day......he thinks this is hilarious.....
and loves to say things like
"Do you want a sandwich....or is it against doctor's orders?"
So there you have it....
one of my moments....
have you ever had bread stuck on your tonsils????
I didn't think so........
The  End
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Debby Ray said...

No, I have never had bread imbedded in my tonsil but I do have a story that could never see the light of day in print...meaning I could never blog about. I could however, place it in an email since I feel like we really know each other pretty well :) Be looking for it and get ready to be shocked :O

Tete said...

Oh, for the love of Pete, you never give your hubby this much ammunition!
My choice is #3 on what to call it...or maybe later today, when I am remembering you as I pass the bread, Something better might come to mind and if it does, I will let you know.
I had my tonsils out when I was 7 because I was so sick. I am sure if they were still there, they would look awful.
I did have bread and other food stuck somewhere, though...
I had my wisdom teeth cut out(all impacted) and I would get food stuck in the holes, top and bottom. Bread seemed to be the number 1 food in there, too. They had to dig them out on my check up and gave me a hooked syringe to wash them out with from there on out. Maybe you need a water pic or something like that to keep those holes clean. Kinda sounds like you had to change doctors after that...

Old Time Cindy said...

Wow, Lisa! I've had my share of embarrassing moments, but I prefer to try and forget them as soon as possible. I've enjoyed your many stories, have an entertaining life. :)
Farmhouse hugs,

Dog Trot Farm said...

Man alive certainly are unique, and I mean that in a good way!...Just so you know I'm still smiling over this post, thank you...Have a great week...Hugs from Maine...

Kathy Felsted Usher said...

Ha Ha! That doctor is probably still telling that story!

Carla from The River said...

You are the best medicine for a bad day. LOL Thank you for the laughs my friend.

Unknown said...

I realize this is an old post, but none the less funny. And since I'm new to your blog, humor me. I once had to have surgery, yes put to sleep, in a hospital kind of surgery, to have a fish bone removed from my throat. Honest to God not lying, a fish bone!!