Little Debbie Got Me In Trouble

 

 

What happens when you go on vacation and have a fabulous time????

 

The next week will be terrible!!!

 

 Since I've stepped off the boat I've had an abscessed tooth with severe pain throughout my jaw.

 

So I go to the dentist who sends me to a specialist in Mobile.

 

I pray I don't get asked about my eating habits.....

 

Little Debbie would probably be a no-no and we don't even want

 

to begin to tell about the cruise food.

 

 He tells me you can have a root canal or it can be pulled.

 

  He asked Dental Insurance? I say no. I ask how much?

 

  He says $1500 versus one to two hundred.

 

  I take a mirror and inspect where this devil tooth is located,

 

 I almost asked for a Little Debbie to see if the pulled tooth would hinder my consumption ratio but I

 

didn't think the dentist would appreciate all the chocolaty goodness that would be in my teeth.

 

 So I said it seems the decision is clear....

 

pull that sucker!!

 

 He leaves and the assistant says "your dentist sends his patients to an oral surgeon here in Mobile

 

 so I will call and get you an appointment"

 

but the specialist comes in and asks the assistant "how much time do I have?"

 

  He looks at the schedule and says "I will pull it!" 

 

 Well I'm thinking "do you not normally pull teeth?

 

  Is this just something you've always wanted to do in your spare time????

 

 He deadens the entire left side of my face and then he leaves for 15 minutes....

 

I'm assuming he's in the back on his computer googling "how to pull a tooth"

 

 He comes back and he pulls and tugs and wiggles,

 

 I think at one point he had his foot on the arm of the chair and I'm wondering

 

 in my half dead face fog, if it's in there that good maybe we shouldn't be pulling it

 

 but finally it pops out and he inspects it for 10 minutes.....

 

what is he looking for????

 

  Did my tonsils come out with it???

 

 Is it a special devil tooth that needs to go to a museum??? 

 

 So now I'm home looking at this giant hole in my head.

 

  I bet all the men out there are wondering "does she have a twin?"

 

  Snaggle tooth, sweaty navel and hairy toes........sigh........Shannon is a lucky man....

 

 

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Be Still.........

TMI....There is a limit to how much your husband wants to know

 

You would think that after being married for 30 years that you could tell

 

each other anything....

 

I mean, surely you have seen the best and worst of each other by now.

 

 

He has seen me with no makeup and with bed head. 

 

He has heard (and filmed) my snoring.

 

I can't hide my double chin or my love for Debbie Cakes from him (although I try).

 

He has come to terms that his wife is know as "the crazy chicken lady".

 

 

But as I am aging I keep noticing different things about me and my

 

body that wasn't there in the previous 30 years of marriage.

 

All of a sudden I'm really paying attention when they are advertising

 

how to remove skin tags.

 

And you may check my latest search on the computer and find

 

"how much does it cost to tack your bladder back up?"

 

And no one talks about it.....my mother has told me nothing other than

 

lose weight while you are young.

 

 

 

And I dropped the ball big time on that one.

 

So I know I've pushed him a little over the ledge lately.

 

I know he LOVES me dearly and I may be taking advantage of that

 

when I've let him catch me pluck that chin hair or the time he was

 

horrified to see me shaving MY mustache ( I know..I know...I wax...but sometimes

 

in an emergency).

 

And then there was the other day....

 

we were enjoying riding home from work together

 

and talking about anything and everything....

 

and I don't know why I MUST share every little detail with him...

 

but I said I would like to lose 60 pounds.

 

And he (sweet man that he is) said noooo...you don't...

 

you look great just like you are.

 

And I say "well, my belly button would really like me to lose it."

 

And he looks at me with his brow furrowed and asked "what?....why?"

 

I say "did you know that when you gain a lot of weight in your belly

 

that your bellybutton closes in on itself.  It sweats something awful and

 

sometimes gets a rash?

 

And...

 

 

He interrupts me and says "LISA.....NO!"

 

Hmmm....

 

I guess there is a limit to how much you can reveal to your husband.

 

 

I sure hope the saying  "it's your personality that counts" is true.

 

#poorhubby

 

#imsexyandiknowitIjustdontshowit

 

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You Know You Love Your Chickens When....

 

 

You know that you LOVE your chickens when...

 

 

 

on your day off of work...

 

 

You are out....in the cold....

 

 

digging up worms for them!

 

#crazychickenladystrikesagain

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It's Okay To Lie To Chickens But Not To Your Husband

 

 

 

 

So I leave work early....

 

I give Shannon all kinds of excuses why.

 

I need to cook supper, go to the bank, buy groceries and let the chickens in the coop.

 

 I did none of those things.

 

I went straight to Cato's to look around.

 

I am NOT suppose to buy another thing....

 

closet is overflowing, credit card is crashing blah blah blah.

 

 So I decide if I just slip in there ever so quietly, keep a low profile so no one will even see me

 

 and there will be no chance of Shannon finding out (that means no tattling you stick together evil men)

 

 Of course the store is full and as soon as I walked in I stealthily eased my way

 

 around the racks that are right up front in the windows....

 

no one can see me from the parking lot because they hang those giant poster ads

 

 that take up the whole window.

 

The next thing I hear is Craaaaassshhhh!!!!!!

 

 I'm not sure if it was my tiny body (eye roll) or my tiny purse (eye roll)

 

 that managed to pull the entire giant poster  crashing down all around me!!

 

 I freeze as every person in there stops in their tracks and stares at me.

 

 So much for being invisible.

 

 I apologize and apologize as I'm backing my way out the store ...

 

if I can just make it back to my car...

 

maybe no one even knew who I was...

 

as soon as I step outside a car goes by and someone yells HEY LISA TUCKER!! 

 

 

 ‪#‎embarrassingmomentnumber9999‬

Coopville Diaries! (sometimes you have to lie to chickens)

 

 

It's baaaaccck!!

 

Yes...it's back.

 

It's time for................

 

 

dum..dum...dummmm.....

 

 

Well I've put off telling anyone....... but the rooster, Conway Tweety, who was

 

given to me after I lost Rod Stewart, was killed by something

 

soon after I got him.

 

 

 

It makes me sad.....I still miss Rod Stewart terribly also...

 

And now.....I've put it off long enough.... I have to have "the talk" with the girls

 

about death and changes.

 

So here is how it went......

 

 Oh girls!!!!

 

Could y'all come here please?

 

I need to talk to you.

 

 

"Yes....are you calling us?"

 

I am....

 

I...umm......have to tell you something about Rod and Conway.

 

You know how they haven't been around lately?

 

Well......umm.....do you know what happened to them?

 

 

"Of course we know.....they went to a man cave or a hunting camp for a

 

little while...right?  That's what men do...right?

 

And oh it's been so nice....we have had some relaxing days.

 

You know how irritating those males can be.

 

You tell her Lucy...I think I may take a nap right now..

 

sighhhhhh...."

 

 



Wait.....you know how I always ask y'all to be very watchful

 

and very careful arou..

 

"I must bathe..(interrupted Kim)...you never know when the papparazi may show up.

 

"Gee whiz Kim...you are so shallow" Khloe snipped.

 

"Khloe you are just jealous!"

 

Wait....girls.....I'm trying to tell you something important!

 

 

 I.........I hate to tell y'all this but Rod and Conway are.......

 

dead.

 

"what you talking about Willis?" Lucy croaked

 

(it's weird that a chicken would know that show Different Strokes..but she did)

 

"Are you telling us that we can DIE??????"

 

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!

 

EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

 

(the girls are freaking out)

 This is not going well...in case you were wondering. (Baby Kitty informed me)

 

 

Thank you Baby Kitty...I realize that.

 

Kourtney please quit hiding and come back!!

 

"I am not hiding...this is not happening....I am meditating...ohmmmm"

 

"No......really.......where are they?" asked Millie

 

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

 

Sambo said "you are really messing this up."

 

AAAIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!

 

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!

 

WAIT!!!

 

Haha....girls....did I say dead?

 

ummm.......Noooo....that's not right!!

 

I mean they are dead......tired.....and they will be staying

 

at the hunting camp a while longer.

 

Y'all need to calm down.

 

 

 

"Not funny" glared Millie

 

 

You all can come out of hiding now...

 

 

 

It's all okay!  No one is going to die!

 

Go back to what you were doing before I brought all of this up.

 

One last look from Lucy......

 

 

and the kingdom is back to normal.....

 

Sometimes you just have to lie to chickens.......

 

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My progress on the "Cabbage Soup Diet"

 

I started the "Cabbage Soup" diet yesterday.

 

http://www.cabbage-soup-diet.com/

 

I've done this diet before, a loooooong time ago and it really worked.

 

But I am much different than I was back then.

 

The body and the willpower is much weaker and the fat cells have "grown" in strength

 

and in number.

 

 

So yesterday all I could have was fruit (except bananas) and the cabbage soup and water.

 

I can do this!

 

I love fruit and don't mind the cabbage soup.

 

I can do this!!

 

The morning was the hardest for me....I love me some coffee and

 

a little some'n some'n like pop tarts, muffins etc. to go with it.

 

So when I tried to take a bite of pineapple my taste buds went into retreat mode.

 

The organic Fuji apple made the cut for breakfast and I was okay.

 

I wish I liked cantaloupe or grapefruit but nooooo....that would be too easy.

 

So I made it to lunch.....was so ready for some cabbage soup.

 

10:45 is not too early for lunch is it????

 

I didn't think so!!!

 

So out came the soup and as a side I got some of those oranges or

 

are they tangerines...the ones they call "cuties".

 

 

Well I know why they call them "cuties"....

 

it's because it's so cute how Lisa can eat them in two bites!

 

Well really one bite but it ain't so cute when all the juice gushes out and runs

 

down your chin....

 

and your husband walks in and you're suppose to be working and you

 

can't answer the phone because your mouth is so full of orange...

 

(not that that happened or anything)

 

So I made it through the work day and I was almost home (a thirty minute drive)

 

and I almost wrecked when I realized that I left all of my cabbage soup

 

at work!!

 

Oh nooooooooo.........only fruit for supper!!!! :(

 

By this time my head is pounding!!

 

I'm not sure if it's a caffeine headache or just lack of food headache.

 

I slowly trudge into the kitchen and just stare at the pineapple, grapes and oranges

 

and I try to eat some grapes and they were pretty sour

 

and then I found the most amazing fruit everrrrr!!!!!!!!!

 

2 pieces of toast!!

 

with cheese!!!

 

Headache went away immediately and I was my usual happy, happy self!

 

Today is all vegetable day.

 

I am sure that toast is considered a vegetable also....:)

 

Have a great day!!